I’m not really a people person, even more – I’m not a male person. In elementary school I hated them with all my heart because they always we’re mean and childish. In middle school I started to see that boys (surprisingly!) do like me but then I realized they just wanted to get in my pants or screw my mind. No wonder, I thought that true, meaningful and platonic friendship between a guy and a girl can’t exist.
However, the other day I was hanging out with my best girlfriend and her boyfriend. They’re honestly closest friends to me right now but… I started to think that I’m developing a crush for this friend’s boyfriend. He is funny, sweet, shy and interesting… Hell, I really thought that I’m into him LIKE THAT. That I wanted to be his girlfriend etc and I felt ashamed because I would never steal my best friend’s man, that’s just not me. Now, back to the day we were hanging out. When it was getting late, my friend went home and I stayed with her boyfriend, and we kept drinking and talking. And at one moment I just really wanted to kiss him but I kissed him on the cheek instead. I just threw away those wrong thoughts and kept spending time with him. And then few hours later when I stayed the night and we talked until four in the morning, I realized that I have no intention to have sex with him… ever. I just really adore him as a friend and I feel safe with him. I feel about him the same way I feel about my best (girl) friend and there’s nothing wrong with that. Damn it – just because he’s a boy, I thought I have a crush on him which was thankfully not true. He’s just my first real guy friend and got me confused. Well, c’est la vie! Things happen but I’m glad that I finally have a homie I can’t talk to about everything that bothers me – guitar, boys, school, sex, just anything! That’s the one thing I can be happy about, even though I’m going through rough time.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.