Uncomfortable in my own skin.

I know, I should love my body and feel happy but I just… don’t. I work out at least 3 times a week, each time at least an hour. I eat less junk food and drink more water and tea (mostly herb tea). I have lost few cm’s of my waist and gained few on my hips. My butt finally looks great in tight skirt but something’s still wrong. I feel guilty about almost every bite I take like I don’t deserve it, like even smallest bite could turn me into my past version from two years ago, who lacked confidence and hated the way she looked. Everytime I skip a workout, I feel like I’m losing, like I could lose the body I already have, get fat and hate my body even more. I have no idea, why I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. There are few days when I finally do but most days I just don’t. I look in the mirror, assume I look okay but it’s not how I want to look. Even when I think I look good, I somehow don’t feel good.

Maybe many years of bullying have caused this hate towards myself. Maybe it’s the fact that my parents never teached me confidence. It kind of feels like it’s too late to change something. And I don’t hate only my body, I also judge myself for every single thing I didn’t do or did bad. I don’t know, how to get rid of it. I want to be that confident girl, who is confident about her body and personality but I’m just not. Am I the only one? Do you feel or have felt this way ever? Comment down below, please.

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xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

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