For many years I thought that I am the broken one and I should have someone, who would put those broken pieces together. Little did I know that the person, who healed was more broken than me. I was starting to heal but his wounds were still bleeding and the worst thing was that he didn’t let me heal his wounds. At that moment I realized – I wasn’t a victim anymore and it is time to stop acting like one. Sure, I have cried a million tears and been hurt a lot but it’s time to move on.
I used to get mad every time he pushed me away and told me hurtful things. I used to think that he was the player, the mean one, who did it on purpose and I was getting played because I’m in love. Wrong (maybe except the part about being in love). No matter, how cliche it sounds, he was hurt a lot before and now has some serious trust issues. I don’t know in every detail, what happened and why is he the way he is. All I know – it’s not his fault and I have no rights to be mad at him. I disappeared from his life many times because it hurt like hell when he pushed me away after all I’ve done for him. Weeks and months went by and something pulled me back to him, some strong feeling that never left me. Maybe that was a sign that I shouldn’t leave and our strange relationship is not supposed to end like this. He is like a rose – thorns hurt me a lot but sometimes it blooms incredibly beautiful.
Funny, how you can love someone so deeply even when you haven’t had sex and you haven’t been in romantic relationship with him. He will never buy me flowers and quote romantic movies but I’m alright with that. All I want is to see him smile truly, hear his laugh and see his eyes sparkle from excitement. I simply want to be there for him, if he ever needs me. I know that it takes a lot of time and patience until someone with trust issues really opens up but it’s okay. I’ll give all my life, if it will be needed. I don’t regret all these times when I returned after he hurt me and apologizing to him. Maybe I really was the one, who needed to apologize because he saw people come and leave so many times. I let him down.
I never really believed in faith until I met him. I know we met for a reason and I’m forever thankful that he came into my life.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.