Maybe just about month ago I was still pretty sure that I had met a guy I want to be in a relationship. I even thought, he might be the one. Yes, the same one I told you about many times before, this Internet guy. Silly. Loving someone isn’t blind but having a crush is. I met him only three times, I didn’t even knew him that long. I thought I did but looks like it was the biggest ilusion in my life in my life. I a guy makes you cry more than makes you smile – leave him. And if he doesn’t even apologize for hurting you and does not realize what he is doing – run, girl! He’s probably a fuckboy and they don’t know shit about feelings. They are like robots, who doesn’t have feelings, they think only with their dicks. Maybe right now it might sound funny or unrealistic that you will have to deal with a fuckboy but… there’s 99,9% chance you will. He might look like your dream guy, even act like one but later he makes you cry, beg, apologize… And never does any of these things himself.
So back to this fuckboy – I finally had a chat with him, more than a half year after our first kiss and all. You probably already know, what he answered me. “You know, I really liked you but I’m not seeking for relationships and it was just a fling.” If before these words I was ready to stay friends with him, afterwards I realized that there was no dust from friendship. Friends do not hurt each other like that, they don’t toy with each other’s feelings. Maybe these words, that he liked me was a lie, too. I don’t believe a thing that happened was real. For about half an hour I was crying and sobbing. I couldn’t believe that it was true. But later I calmed down and realized that at least I was finally set free. I didn’t have any hopes left that we could ever be together and it made my heart ligher. I don’t have to worry about it anymore. But hey, it’s okay, we all sometimes fall in love in ilusions not people.
Next night I met a really good friend of mine and spent really fun night with him together. And I had few new thoughts in my head. I’m gonna share one of them. I always thought that to feel really close with a guy, you need to kiss him or do something more. Oh, I was so wrong. I never felt so close with someone as that night when we were laying in bed close to each other and just talking. So simple yet so amazing. Then I realized that laying next to someone after bunch of empty kisses and touching didn’t mean a shit. This did. Funny, that we don’t need much to be really happy. Just someone by our side, someone, who understands, knows how weird we are but accepts that and someone with who to laugh together about silly jokes. That’s the biggest happiness in the world to me. Mostly we imagine those moments happening in movies but it’s real. So real that it brings tears of happiness to eyes and makes me want to last it like that forever. Also, now I understand, how it feels when you say goodbye to someone, for 5 minutes are happy and then already start missing them. I get it finally.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.