I remember the day I met you very well. While I first saw your smile and heard your laugh, I thought: “I really want to be friends with this guy.” I was too shy back then and no wonder – I was just almost 10 years old and you were 4 and a half years older which seemed like such big difference back then. I wasn’t sure what you will think of me and will you ever want to be friends with me. But after some time I bring myself together and wrote to you. Big was my surprise when you said that of course, you remember me. I was shy, still unsure but somehow we started knowing each other better and better. Only thing – when I saw you again, I was too shy to even say hi. I don’t know, what got on to me. You were standing there just so happy, confident, so amazing that I lost words completely. You were my first big crush.
One time back then we had a fight. You couldn’t stand my shyness. We told some shit to each other and didn’t spoke for about month. I couldn’t handle it. I apologized. Why? I just missed your jokes, your view to life, your smile, your voice… Everything. You were the first light in my dark life. I couldn’t loose you just like that. And then… than more I knew about you, that more I liked you. I even got confused – are these feelings just friend related or more? Confusion never got away, it is still there.
I adore you. All moments come back in flashbacks. Making faces to each other, telling jokes, sharing problems and great moments in life, hugs… I’m stuck in those moments. I just want to keep you in my life forever, doing silly little things like people do in movies – dance in the rain, watch movies, take walks at night, dance together, be completely honest to each other, teach each other new things… I want us to laugh hard about silly things like little kids. I really want that with you. I want so much fun that when I’m old, it brings tears of happiness in my eyes.
What can I say? You are more than a brother to me. You are one of the greatest friends that I’ve ever had. You make me feel so alive. You are the sun in the most rainy day. When I’m feeling down, I remember that you wouldn’t want me to give up. When I’m thinking that life has no reason, I remember that there’s you. I want to meet you again, talk to you again and have memorable moments much more than we already had. Thank you for not judging, supporting, making me laugh and much more.
P.S. Well, that was deep. But this is how I feel. I’d do anything to make him happy, that much I care.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.