I’m confused – if you think negative, the good thing doesn’t happen; if you hope too much and get too excited about it, it doesn’t happen either. It doesn’t matter if it’s about contest you think you will win, the guy, who you think will call you back or perfect swimsuit you think ,you will buy. None of this ever happens. But maybe I should ignore this fact at all and not think about it? No, I can’t. I will fail the contest, if I won’t work hard enough, I will lose any chance with this guy, if I won’t do anything to make him see me and I will get so fat that I won’t be able to find perfect swimsuit.
Yeah, life fucks as all and it’s like 90% pain and 10% happiness. Only thing I wish is to switch those sides. I’m not that bad person and I do deserve happy ending. We all do. We don’t deserve that much pain. Pain makes you learn something but if it’s too much, it ruins you and turns you into hopeless person. Pain is like alcohol – when it’s a little, it’s okay but when it’s too much, it ruins your life and you can’t just switch things back the way they were before.
I can’t hope, I can’t think negatively and I can’t ignore everything. I’m sitting in a cage, called “life” and I’m confused about how should I act to change things to better.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.