When I came to new school, I actually hoped that I would make friends, real friends that really care about me. I didn’t. Not even one person. It’s not like I hate them all but… I can’t ignore the fact that even they are physically way too close, in some other way they are galaxies away from me and it will always be like that. I’m so sick of fake people, who act like they care but they don’t. Just fucking stop this game. If you’re not interested and don’t like me, just say so. I’m tired of games and lies that most people enjoy. I want the truth and only the truth, no matter how hurtful it could be. I’d rather know that everything is really terrible than live in lies that life is a garden, full of roses. I kinda love the pain and the tragedy. It makes me feel alive but… kinda makes me wish, I’d be dead. I can’t stop thinking that people will never appreciate me and one moment they will just broke me because I’m not cold enough to them. I’m always ready to help and do everything to never make them feel like I do.
I’m falling apart and every day it gets worse. It’s scary that I can cry more than one hour non-stop and hit my hand until I don’t feel it anymore. That’s what happens when there’s no one to trust. Those demons could eat everyone alive.
P.S. No, I am not suicidal, just really depressed.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.