Learning to love myself.

I just can’t help but love staying up late at night. That’s the time when I have the most energy and the most creative ideas come to my mind. If I had a right to choose, how to plan my day, I’d wake up at 8 p.m. or so and go to bed at 7 or 8 a.m. I don’t know, how that could be but my sleep is always much better in daytime. Whatever. I came here to write few words about loving myself.

How it is even possible to do it? To love yourself with all that sarcastic bitch side and big butt? I lived all my life blaming myself for not being perfect, not being a person everyone wants me to be. And, believe me, I tried hard to be what I thought everyone wants me to be. I bleached ends of my hair, I wore much make up, I ate less and exercised more. I was judging myself even more than models are judged. I wanted to create perfect me with no minuses. I kinda wanted to be like a doll. I tried more and more for many years. I desperately waited for moment everyone would like me for who I am, smile at me and talk to me. That moment never came and became more and more disappointed. The most simple truth is – do what you want, be who you want. There is no way to be perfect for all. People will always judge no matter what you do, so you can do what you want. Actually is terrible, how much pressure young girls have from society and a lot (at least from my experience) comes from teenage boys in their age, too. Immature boys want to see skinny doll with big breasts, perfect face and perfect everything near them. But here’s the thing – than more we try to be something that we’re not, than more we lose all unique parts of our looks and personality. It’s like painting Mona Lisa’s hair blonde and painting on her black cocktail dress. Maybe it’s not the best example but you get the point.

I think, we are living our lives to become better ourselves not to change everything we have. Stop making different person from yourself. Okay, maybe you really are sarcastic bitch but in some life moments it can even be good. Maybe you have that big butt but at least that beautiful dress looks on you much better than on skinny girls. Start loving your imperfections because they make you unique. It would be terrible to be just like everyone else, right? It’s like coming into a store and seeing there are only pineapples. But what if someone wants apples better? What I am trying to say is – life would suck without choices, without differences.

Here’s what I want to say to all dumb teenage boys, who keep saying that normal size girls around them are fat. Seriously, stop that shit. It hurts like hell, I know it.

Now forgive me for my after midnight weirdness, I’m probably writing some things too weird. Time to go to bed for me, I still have to get up early tomorrow.

P.S. I’m still a fan of doll like looks. Some of them.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.


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