Today’s update…

Hey.  Again havn’t been here for ages. Sorry about it, I’m trying to post something as often as I can but I’m kinda busy right now and my parents are controling me more than ever. *Sighs and shakes head*.

So here I am again. There is nothing very big to talk about but just an update of today and last days.

Monday was my bff’s names day. Nothing much. Necklace that I bought her totally sucked cause all colour went off it to her skin after 6 hours or so. Stupid “made in China” things. It really sucks.  Be careful and watch what you buy. *rolls eyes*. At least flower bucket that I made was pretty good. In that day I also went to Rēzekne. It’s like 7 hours drive to other side of Latvia and I hate long distance drives. -_- In that day everything was pretty good. Except my mother’s talking, that I don’t play the guitar enough much. *rolls eyes again*.  I don’t really think that people who can’t do something better should judge others.

Next day everything really sucked. I played everything worse than I ever did. >.< My mother was furious. I was crying and… cutting. I just can’t stop it anymore. Everything seems so dark shaded, life sucks very much. And this is where I put my pain. I can’t draw anymore, it just makes me furious because Im a bad artist. I can’t talk to my friends because they’re mostly busy and my parents always take my phone away when I’m not watching. *sighs* >.< And then I just have no place to put my emotions. I can’t scream at them, I can’t say how sad, angry and afraid I feel because they will be furious and slap me or hit me. I always need to be perfect daugther and I’m never like that. I’m a weirdo. I’m too far from perfect.

Today… What’s with today? Okay, I cut again. Realizing that I have no one to talk to about how sad I am, makes me really depressed. I am weak cause only weak people cut. Okay, blame me, I’m not strong enough to stop it. One day I will stop it but for now I just can’t. So today I was just eating and playing the guitar. It sucks. I’m tired of playing it. It wasn’t really my choice.

Besides that I’m madly in love. Or at least I think I am and it totally pisses me off.  Because I’m falling for a guy who likes my friend and not me. And my friend doesn’t like him like that. -_- He’s just messing with my head because last three days in a row we’ve been texting and he’s been the one who texted me first. And yesterday we were talking 52 minutes and 7 seconds (very concrete, I know 😀 ) throught the phone about random stuff. I just realized that he’s funnier than I thought before and that I was smiling like a fool every second of our talk. Blah. Falling for him really sucks.

And, haha, I still love Glee. 😀 I’m addicted to it. And this is my fav song and part of everything. 🙂 Totally suits my mood and situation and everything.

So… for now that’s all.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

 

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