When I was six, I remember how every time when my mum used to watch romantic comedies, I told her that I hate cheesy movies like that. That every movie has the same storyline and things that happen in movies never happen in real life. It’s just a stupid, sick fantasy, a thing that we all wish could happen but it never will.
Love. What actually is love? How can you tell when it happens if you’re not sure about the symptoms? How can you know that it’s not just another obsession with someone? You can’t. It just a fucking game, like playing with fire. Every time when you think that you won’t get hurt, you do. And worst thing is that, when that one who hurt you walks away, memories stay. Forever. You can’t runaway from them, you can’t delete your memory. It sucks.
Since I started to go to kindergarten, most of the people told me mean things. Yeah, I was bullied. I’m still am. I’m such a sucker. I was called fat, ugly, stupid, bitch, slut and more, and more. I can’t even remember all words that they used. Does it really matters? Worst thing was that I started to believe in that. And all of that hurts.
After that I started not to trust people. No matter they were nice or not. I just didn’t trust them. I still don’t. And that’s why it’s so hard for me to make friends. I’m afraid that someone will hurt me. The same goes for love. Every time I fall in love, I realize, it’s just an obsession. That what I felt for that person at that time, wasn’t love. I just liked them.
And every time when I try not to fall for someone, I fall even harder that I thought I will. And I get hurt even more. For nothing. Does all this has a reason? I don’t think so.
Whatever. Don’t take me serious. Today I feel just like another fucking teenage tragedy. Those teen years should be the best years in our lives but you know what. They suck. I hate being super emotional.
Huh, some pics for you.
xo, your hopeless teenager girl, Porcelain Doll.