Hello, dear reader! Maybe just now you have noticed that there are no other blog posts in here except this one. You might ask – where did all of you content go? It’s simple – I deleted it because I no longer felt like the person, who previously was posting here. I am not this depressed, brokenhearted teenage girl anymore. I won’t binge post about my heartache or how hopeless it feels when I can’t even push myself to get out of bed. I’m done with the old me, who wrote small posts about stuff that barely matters and “decorated” it with a lot of GIFs and images. I am done with the person, who was so obsessed with the idea about becoming a successful blogger that writing became almost like a chore for her. From now on I will make sure that everything I post here is quality content that I, myself would enjoy to read. I will not curse, I will not use primitive teenage language because you know what? I have grown up and I have decided that I want to change. Instead of being scared, lonely and lacking any motivation, I decided to risk more in my life and constantly make changes.
Yes, I am still battling my mental illness but I have decided that I am sick of feeling like this and I will find a way out of it. Maybe through writing a lot even when my mind feels blank or messy, maybe through becoming spiritual and buying those little Indian sticks that distribute wonderful scent when they are fuming… Who knows. All that matters that slowly but persistently I am digging myself out of the dark hole that I have been in. However, I have given up any hope that antidepressants could help me. Even if they help with my condition a little, they still cause a lot of weird side effects. I don’t want to rely on medication all the time and honestly, it feels like it is not the right cure for me. One more thing that helps me to feel better every day is to be proud even about smallest things I have done that day. Have I washed dishes? Great! Have I practiced to play the guitar for a half an hour today. Way to go! Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to practice for 40 minutes. I am proud about everything that I have done because I remember there were days when I could not get out of bed. I just wallowed in self-pity and tried to escape from thoughts in my sleep. Unsuccessful, though. Everything I was worried about, usually came back in nightmares.
Anyway – enough about me for this time. You might want to be curious, what are my plans for this blog in the future. Well, let me make this clear. I will probably not post regularly but I will try to write at least one 500+ words long post every week and when I do it, that will be quality content only. No more posts about celebrities, unless they have done something that really touched my heart, no more self-pity posts about depression and no more posts about the drama queens in my school. I believe there are way more important topics out there to talk about and that is what I am going to do from now on. So cheers! Raise your coffee cup or whatever you are drinking right now to the new beginning of my blog!
With love, Porcelain Doll.