5 reasons why most teenage written fiction sucks.

When I was about twelve, I discovered that there are actually teenagers (12 to 18 year olds), who write and post stories online. In that age I started to love books in a very different kind of way. In “I’d write this part different but I love whole chapter before it” way not just as a reader. Back then I joined many groups on social sites about writing and enjoyed what others were posting. At that age I actually thought that their writing was good and enjoyable but now, when I look back at it, I can just frown. There was no orginality, no great plot etc. Oh wait, I’m spoiling the post for you already. Let’s go back to twelve years old me. It didn’t took long for me to start writing my own fiction and post it online, and I felt very proud for every good comment written about it. At the age of fourteen or so I discovered Wattpad and started posting my stories there. After three books I disappeared and just few days ago really came back, deciding to re-read my old books. Honestly, I’m ashamed but I didn’t delete those books. It was little history, fourteen to sixteen old me, writing stories about good girls and bad boys etc. About week ago I started editing one of those books, so they would become more readable and enjoyable. Let’s see what comes out of it. Now, after long introduction, I’m finally ready to tell you five reasons, why most teenage fiction sucks and why mine did, too.

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  1. Story/novel/book has no conflict in it, no breaking point. Most stories go like this: bad boys is trying to get good girl (who is most likely virgin but I said in posts before that it’s just social construct, so let’s just say she never had sex) to have sex with him. After some time she finally gives in and after that they become a couple. Then story goes on and goes on, they just confess their “love” to each other, have sex and everything is fine and boring for whole damn 10 chapters or so and then, when teenage writer finally realizes that something isn’t really right, she decides put up a silly fight, put someone in jail or something. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that story is going nowhere and you just made a mess to seem it more interesting. If you are writing, you have to know, what do you want to tell readers, you can’t just randomly jabber.
  2. Sex, sex, sex – topic which is way too important in your story. Did you wrote this for someone to jack off while reading itPersonally, I have found many so called story profiles on ask.fm , basically writing only about sex, even not really knowing, how this process happens. Gross. Even worse – there were few incest stories, too. I get it, maybe the only reason you live is to have sex as much as possible but…. do you really have to write about it and publish it somewhere? Now you’re just making yourself look silly because you have no brilliant thoughts in that mind of yours. Better close Wattpad and go watch some porn, dooh.
  3. Story characters lame and kind of mainstream. Who wants to hear about cocky bad boy with no feelings and sex addicion or good girl, who gets A’s all the time and has perfect family? Not me. I’m not saying that your character should have foot fetish or something (even though maybe that could work, too) but make it interesting. Also, if I will read about one more good girl, who is fan of One Direction, I’m going to puke. That is just lame. Add something unique to your character that you or your friend has. Think, writer, think!
  4. Most teen writers don’t use online grammar checkers. It’s 21st century. Ask google to find you a grammar checker. Otherwise, your readers feel like their eyes are going to bleed from those typing errors and te fact that you don’t know when to use “your” and “you’re”. I’m not saying that my grammar is perfect but after you write something, read it one more time to check for errors and then use grammar checker. You’re welcome.
  5. The lack of orginality in teen fiction writings. Think of something new. Maybe thirteen, fourteen year olds are excited to read about good girl and bad boy all over and over again but I’m sick of that. I bet there are millions of cheesy stories like this with very small differences. Don’t be a sheep, following many others, be honest and bold while writing. So what, if it’s weird? Maybe people will like it, at least it will be like a breath of fresh air after all this cheesiness.Write about weird, kinky people, about someone, who doesn’t have shiny, blonde hair, about someone, who doesn’t listen to One Direction and doesn’t get good grades. Stop following stereotypes and create your own characters and stories.

That’s all for today, I hope that this post was helpful. No, I wasn’t just shaming other teenagers, I was ashamed of younger me, too.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

“Nice is just a place in France” book review

I’ve never been such big book worm to blog about books or even write a single book review. However, this day is the day things are about to change. Just few days I finally recieved two books I ordered online from bookdepository.com , which is actually pretty good online book store because shipping is completely free all (or most) countries. When I started to read “Nice is just a place in France”, I hoped for witty book and really good entertainment. What a disappointment!

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One of the first things I noticed is that so called “betch” isn’t smart, powerful woman. In reality, for middle class smart people “betch” is just spoiled, lazy, young woman with rich parents or gold digger. It’s really annoying when almost in every chapter is mentioned spending money on exclusive things and using rich guys (mentioned as “bros”) for money. Next thing, which is kind of fucked up in this book (but not that much) is body image, telling that you have to be skinny. Only thing I can associate with skinny is so-called skinspiration – obsession of way too many teenage girls. And “skinny” shouldn’t be associated with healthy body image because it basically looks like this.

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Back to definition of “betch”. One of the first lines in the book are: “When it comes to most things, it’s okay to let other people, especially men, do things that you are too lazy to do for yourself.” and “Your goal should always be to achieve the maximum result with the least effort; whether it’s through manipulation or taking advantage of an oppportunity.” Correct me, if I’m wrong but does this mean that woman should expect man do most of the things because she’s such precious thing and gift to him? How the hell lazy gold digger is worth something?

Heavy drinking with “pregames” and drug use is described as completely normal thing. Even though this book wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, some young girls might think that doing coke not that big of a deal. Not cool from the authors. There are more shit that I won’t call out here but you get the point. Since this is a book review not whining about bad book, I will mention few phrases that somehow made me have a laugh. Here they are:

  • “So, like they say, there are three lies you can be certain of: I’ll pay you back, I won’t come in your mouth, and I will never talk shit about you.”
  • About spring break: “Do: Dance on tables. Don’t: Fall off tables and not notice that your tube top is at your waist. Where are my boobs? Oh, there they are. All over the Internet.

In conclusion I can say that if you are middle class girl and/or not really spoiled, and/or a gold digger, and/or with a poor sense of humor, you won’t like this book and it’s not worth a single cent. After writing all this I kind of feel as mean as Sady Saxton from “Awkward”, so…

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P.S. If you have read this book and have different thoughts about it or you have something to add about it, go ahead and comment!

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

 

Dear society, stop using sex as a tool.

Dear society, you can’t fool those of us, who are hungry for truth and smart enough to discover it. Sex is just another tool in this big game, used to make us feel worthless and control us. Nowadays slut shaming and virgin shaming is nothing unusual.

For a part of you sex is dirty word, something that people should have just to have kids. “And don’t you ever dare to enjoy sex!” This part of society says. “Sex is what equates us to animals and having it just because of pleasure is something you shouldn’t do ever.” But… what’s the point of prohibbiting something so enjoyable? I guess, I will never understand it. Then from people, who think that sex is only for continuing family and making sure human species doesn’t die out, we can move to those, who believe in waiting until marriage and the concept of virginity. Again, these people think that having sex is dirty… unless it’s with the person you married. Because virginity counts as something special, as a gift you give to someone special. But… what do you really give to this person? An idea of something? You can’t actually prove if woman is a virgin or not. (To find out more, just ask Google about “virginity is a social construct”.) Real meaning in relationship is devotion, loyality, caring and empathy. Biggest part of great relationship has nothing to do with how many people you slept with before unless you have sexually transmited disease. Then it’s different case.

For one more type of people sex counts almost as a prize you get. If you have it, you are a champion. This mostly applies to men, of course but if you’re a woman over eighteen, who has never had vaginal sex, you can feel the pressure, too. I felt it from my friend, who is having sex since she was about fourteen years old. I’m not against having sex and I don’t think there should be a certain age when you should first have it but it’s none of her bussiness when, with who and how often I do it. Also, in my opinion, it loses it’s meaning if you sleep around with many different guys, without having serious relationship. It’s all about quality not quantity and about safety, too. No matter how exciting one night with stranger, having drunk sex might be, if you catch some kind of STD, you might regret it for the rest of your life.

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In the end I’m saying that we all should using sex as a tool. It does not determine our worth as a person. If you wait until marriage – that’s cool! If you are an asexual – great! If you slept with someone before marriage – that’s fine! If you prefer just fingerbang and never had vaginal sex – good for you because that’s none of my or anyone’s damn business. Just be happy with choices you make and stop thinking about sex as an award. It’s just a great activity – just like paragliding or dancing salsa or anything else. You don’t stress that you never tried dancing salsa just because you see some other people doing it, right? So be chill.

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P.S.  There you go. I still can’t stop writing about sex because teenagers are so badly informed about it and I’m secretly hoping that at least on person from 13 to 18 years old will see this article and really think about all this.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Just a beautiful body.

This time is still very busy for me and I have 2 exams comming next week but I didn’t want to leave blog empty. So here’s a little poem I wrote at one lonely night before going to sleep. Feel free to say what you think about it.

I guess you see me just as a beautiful body, 

As someone, who sometimes wants to get naughty.

But I am more than that, in fact,

I am feelings and thoughts, waiting to be discovered,

I am scared girl, waiting to be empowered.

 

I am tears, I am pain,

And no, I’m not saint,

I‘m the wildest passion,

Might be your biggest obsession.

 

But please, I’m not a piece of meat,

I have a heart somewhere beneath.

I can love you to the moon and back

Even when the night turns way too black.

 

But still I’m just a beautiful body

Not someone, who could ever be somebody.

I’m my curves and soft lips,

Just another girl you’ve ever kissed.

 

Please tell me what you think – do you like it or not. No, I’m not a poet and I’ll never be one but at that moment I just had to express myself, othervise I would drown in my own tears. Also I wanted to mention that I was just a little inspired by this slam poem below (the part about not being a piece of meat). It’s just so unique and great. Do you like slam poems?

 

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

3 myths girls should stop believing.

Young woman’s life in 21st isn’t easy but it’s even harder, if you believe myths that aren’t true. After great shopping spree I finally got some ideas for new blog post, so let me tell you three myths that are ruining your life. Once I believed in them, too.

1. If you will get fit, you will 100% fit in clothes that are too small for you right now. A person, who was once overweight and then lost weight might fit in those skinny jeans again but someone, who was just out of shape and got really fit has a big chance of still not being able wear small size clothes that once fit. Been there, know that. Imagine that you have a pair of those really awesome skinny jeans that fit you five years ago but now they don’t because your butt is too big. You think – well, I’ll work out, get rid of some fat and they will fit just great. No, girl, they won’t. Your butt might get in shape but those tighs will shape nicely, too and won’t be able to fit in jeans that were made for women, who are naturally skinny and don’t work out. What you should know is that we don’t get fit and healthy to wear size S or M . We do that to look the best way our body is possible to look and feel great. If something doesn’t fit perfectly, you still can still take that thing to dressmaker and customize for your body (not try to customize our body for the clothing because that’s just madness). A lot of clothing isn’t made for healthy looking woman but for way too skinny models or women with not really realistic body parameters. There are women with thick tighs and small boobs, women with skinny tighs and big boobs, woman with wide shoulders and narrow hips etc., and that’s okay. You are not a mannequin, not everything will fit and that’s okay. Stop judging yourself, you are beautiful.

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2. Virginity is a thing and having sex with someone before marrying him is terrible. Dear women, who consider themselves virgins because they didn’t have penetrative sex, I feel bad for you. Virginity really is a social construct. (Damn, I should make a t-shirt with that phrase!) I can already imagine you feeling shocked and telling me that it is not. Well, then let’s make it clear. Do you know where the hymen actually is? Do you know it can’t be broken, just streched? That’s right, let me show you a picture to prove it (even though seeing this might be unpleasant to some people).

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So now you see where it is located. If hymen would really have no opening and should be broken – how the hell would girls menstruate? Haven’t you ever thought about that? Besides – what is really a penis – some magic wand? Boom, you’re not virgin anymore? If virginity would really be a thing, wouldn’t girls loose their virginity getting fingered or masturbating vaginally with a vibrator? If only a sex with a man can make you loose your virginity, are lesbians forever virgins? When you finally know this, you can stop stressing about “being a virgin”. Virginity is a concept, made up because somehow society thought it is cool to make girls feel ashamed that their sexual beings and slut shame them for having sex. Still don’t believe me? Check out the video down below.

3. If you show that you’re interested in someone in a romantic way (text him (or her), ask him out etc), you’re intrusive and desperate. Damn. Since when it is a shame to show your real feelings? It’s rather a shame to lie to someone about it or not tell it because you’re so afraid to be desperate. And there it is – most of the women in this world believe that showing affection is objectionable. What the f*ck? If you like someone, show that person, tell him (or her). Sure, you shouldn’t bombard them with long and/or a lot of texts. (Example below.)

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But if you feel something, say it in a normal way, be brave. If you don’t do that, you’re just playing games with someone. You don’t know what this person wants, he doesn’t know what you want and this kind of “relationship” is just one big mindfuck. In the end this, what could’ve been nice relationship, is just ruined and all of that happened because you didn’t talk. We all want to look so untouchable, hoping that someone for no reason will start fighting for us. No, that’s not, how relationship works. Even though many people hate Nicole Arbour, I dare to quote her: “If you actually want a real relationship, we have to stop playing f*cking games!” She might be one of the most scandalous (mostly in a bad way) youtubers but what she said about relationships in the video down below is actually right.

So here you go, I hope that now you have something to think about it and you will ease your own life by not believing myths, created by society.

P.S. No, I’m not happy that Nicole Arbour abused her boyfriend (at least that’s what people on the internet are talking) but some of her videos are actually great.

 

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Real life idol of my childhood.

When we were younger, we all used to be obsessed with famous people we saw on TV or magazines. I was pretty much the same but my biggest idol of all actually was a person I knew in real life. I’ve always like complicated people, kind of outsiders and she was one of them. In that period of life when I was about 8 or 9 years old, I didn’t get along with my parents very well, I was actually afraid of them (because of bad grades etc.), so I automatically started to search for a woman, who I could admire. I didn’t even need to look far – she was the teacher in musical school.

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When I first saw her, I thought she was beautiful. She had blonde, bleached hair and blue eyes. This teacher had mostly blue, red, black or white clothes. No, she wasn’t petite and wasn’t always polite but there was something about her. I looked at her kind of the same way little girls used to look at their favourite actresses or singers (so you don’t get me wrong and don’t interpretate this as some other kind of weird interest). I guess, she was in her late 30’ies back then. When she started teaching, I was still amazed by her as a person. She had unique laugh and compliment about something done great from her was very special. I can’t really remember what I saw in her back then because last time I saw her was many years ago. Weird thing about this great teacher (as I saw her) was that people didn’t like her. Students hated her because of her bad mood swings and adults hated her because they thought she wasn’t a nice person. She was, most of the times and I actually became a favourite student of hers. I never talked much, did everything as good as I could and felt thankful for every good grade. I remember the time she helped me with one of my first pieces of music for the composition contest or something. I was shy, little girl, sitting by the piano, too afraid to sing but I played the piece. That was one of the first times someone noticed me. Of course, there were many students, way older than me, who played a lot better than I did but it didn’t matter at that time. Only thing that mattered was – she could be proud of me. And those times I participated in choir, I used to sing from all my heart and I really enjoyed that. I got noticed by her and that was probably the first time in my life I felt special and not invisible, not wothless. Also, she was pretty good at singing and playing the piano and when she did that, it was visible that she like what she is doing.

Few years later she left musical school and after a year or so high school, too. Maybe she was a little mental or maybe people just didn’t like her. I will never know for sure but I will always respect her because was probably the first person, who teached so good that I actually started to like music, even music theory. Even though she has moved to another country and changed her life completely, she will always be in my memory and I will forever glad that I had a chance to met her.

Do you remember having your own real life known childhood idols? Tell me about it in comments.:)

 

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

 

Angels and devils -the complete truth about him.

Ten years ago I was that little girl, who wanted to ask to older people: “How do you know you really love someone?” But now I’m not her anymore, I know it myself. All this time I thought that when you realize you truly love someone, it’s beautiful and this person loves you back. It’s a myth. Sometimes love is an ugly mess, you look to the world and it’s almost like you’ve gone colour blind. It’s all black, white and grey, and nothing really matters without this person. No, this time I do not mean emotional addiction to someone. I don’t need to be valued by him every day, I just need to feel him near. He was all the good I could imagine in one person. A little cheeky, careless, yes, but he was good. The angelic type of boy – not so much in his behaviour but mostly in his attitude towards me.That’s what I loved and what I miss the most because no other guy treated me this way. He made me felt safe, comfortable and like myself. And now I’m out in big, crazy world all alone. There’s no one, who would give such good advice, understand my fears and calm me down like he could. This must be love, mustn’t it? With no sexual contact whatsoever I feel attached to him an I just can’t help it.

Just to make this picture clearer, I will show devilish kind of boy. He seems like a good, just scared and broken person at first. He had bad times in his life and they made him the person he is now. I thought he was fragile, so I respected him and did everything not to hurt him. You know what happened? He hurt me. From this nice person, who could heal the scars in my soul, he turned to disrespectful guy, who cut even more scars in it. Everything I said or believed in was ridiculous, funny or wrong, everything that went wrong in our friendship/relationship (?) was my fault and his. That’s how I realized he’s the devil. Even though we had good moments in this not defined kind of relationship, it was mainly shit. He was arrogant jerk and I was humble. I thought that most of the times he was right about everything, not me. I did everything for him to love and respect me but it wasn’t enough for him. So I cut him out of my life because if you don’t like something in a relationship and you can’t talk it out, it’s not worth it. This person doesn’t care about your feelings and wants to keep treating you like shit. He breaks you piece by piece and you lose yourself because you think it’s all for the sake of love. It isn’t. You are just broken and want to be loved but he won’t love you. Someone will but he isn’t that someone. Pack your bags and walk away, so you can heal the scars he cut into your soul.

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Now that I explained about two types of guys I had to deal with, I can tell you about the situation today. I’m over the devil, the guy, who hurt me and made me feel  like a worthless freak.If he won’t change himself, I hope we will never meet again. But I’m not over the angel. Maybe my view to him is distorted but he’s the best thing that happened to me. He filled my life with so much happiness back then, I will never be able to fully thank him. (Or thank him at all because he avoids my phone calls and texts.) And I was never more happy until November 18th . I really believed his words and I thought it will finally happen the way I dreamed of it since I first met him. I hoped I will be able to hold his hand in mine, kiss his warm lips, fall asleep in his arms, go for a walk with him late at night, dance to our favourite songs and laugh while watching silly comedies. Most of that didn’t happen, not even his promised kiss. And I don’t get it, I just don’t get, how you can have such nice phone conversation with someone, who just told you she wants to be more than friends with you, you lie to her about giving a chance and then just leave her. Not a word, no explanation at all, just leave and ignore forever, leaving her heart on the ground. And keep living, like none of those conversations happened, like you never knew her. All I want to ask to you is just: “Was it easy? To leave me hanging like this? To break my heart when I  always wished all the best for you?” After three months of not sending a message or calling him (except one text message, sending him: “Hey. Happy birthday…”), the way I feel still hasn’t changed. I still try to figure out what went wrong even it’s no use, I still cry at nights and days, thinking about how beautifully started the relationship I always dreamed of. Maybe it’s pathetic but I can’t help myself. I just can’t do other things and forget every moment he made me smile, I just can’t fall in love with someone else when he’s forever in my heart. That’s the worst part – not being able to keep living like I used to. Thinking about him whenever one of his favourite songs starts playing, whenever I walk down the street we walked that night, whenever I see a movie that makes me cry, I remember about him. What I hate the most is that I don’t hate him, not even a little bit. Instead of that I love him with all that I have and, no matter how logical or human like it would be to wish to him all the worst, I don’t wish him that. Maybe it doesn’t matter, if he is still in my life or not, I can still truly love him and I do. Not that he’ll ever know but now I know and I have finally admitted that to myself. Maybe one day this heartache will be over and I will be able to live without him like managed to live without me.

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xoxo, Porcelain Doll.