Ponderings about 1st September and growing up.

First day of school for the 11th time in my life. Time is flying fast – seems like just few days ago I was in 1st grade, looking around scared and wondering, how it will be – to go in school. Then I thought it could be kinda cool – I imagined having bunch of friends, interesting lessons and all… Maybe that’s what happen in unrealistic movies but not in my life. After 9 years in Hell, whoops, my first school, I moved to different city and started to go to different school. I’m about 100% sure that this was the best decision I’ve ever made. Sure – most lessons are still boring but who cares? I met more people that think the same way and life starts to move on, slowly but still. So, if you’re still stuck a school that you don’t like with people that you hate – cheer up because that shit won’t last long.

Maybe growing up isn’t that bad at all. Living on my own is pretty cool and not because I could throw parties or anything, it’s just cool to live without people bothering you and talking too much to you. *introvert alert* Looks like that’s all for today because I need to wake up early tomorrow to go to school. Pinky promse that I will post here quality content next time. This time I just wanted to put some thoughts here and make you feel remembered.

Welcome to school time! *sarcasticly chuckles*

By the way, how did you felt when you first started living on your own? And what were your thoughts when you just started going to middle school?

Fitness journal

All my life until this moment I thought, I’m that kind of person, who hates all kind of planning. Making the to do lists and analyzing things just isn’t for me, I said to myself. Starting with today, I proved myself wrong. Three days ago, looking at the books and stuff in bookstore, I found a fitness journal. There were pages with how many calories which food has and few sections – for fitness activities, meals, inspiration etc. Only thing – this miracle costs almost 18 euros and I wasn’t ready to give away that much money for such a thing, so I decided to make my own.

Here’s how it looks right now. I started writing and making this just yesterday and today was first day I used it. Surprisingly – I did much more exercises than just few days ago. It’s easier to continue when all reps are written down. When I will do this every day, I will better see my progress and it will motivate me. Also – writing down body parameters once a week will make me see my progress, too. Last thing – I’m counting calories and writing down all that I eat to make my eating habits better. Hopefully this will help to get rid of habit drinking soda’s too often and eat less sweets, fast food and make me choose healthier alternatives when there’s no chance to eat completely healthy.

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Meal chart – what time, what and how many calories. Below – how I feel and total calories.

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Chart of exercises.

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Body parameters and how much I drank today.

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Chart with food products and calories.

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Motivation – quotes and pictures.

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Yeah, in 21st century many people write their fitness jounar in some apps, computer but I thought this was much more creative idea. Let me know, what you think of this. Are you writing fitness journal, maybe plan on doing it?

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Struggles of living healthy.

All my life I’ve been living in a family, who don’t really like sports and who think that eating cupcakes and ice cream often is okay. Well, maybe I’m dramatising it a little but my family was never that fit, happy family you would see on TV. My mum often loved to drink cola, eat chips and dumplings. I rarely saw mum or dad even riding a bike. They have always thought that workouts at least 4 times a week aren’t important at all and all the calories will burn just by cleaning house and doing stuff in the garden. Raised like that I found myself more and more craving fast food but at the same time being disapponted of the way my body looks. Thick tighs, belly bigger than it should be… I hated the way I looked back then and I hated wearing bikini, too.

Like I’ve mentioned in some post earlier, two years ago because of bullying I started to make changes. It hasn’t been easy, though. None of my friends exercises and my parents doesn’t support me as much as I would like them to. I’m sick of being told that if I will lift weights and workout too much, I will look manly. Who even believes that myth? I am a woman, there is no way I could ever look like a man. Also, when I tell them that I’m tired and won’t workout today, they’re like: “Oh, fine. You’re already doing that too much.” Damn. It would be easier to keep going, if they’d say: “No, do it at least 20 minutes. You won’t feel tired when you will start doing it.” Also – buying cupcakes and ice cream more than one a week is a big no no. Nothing tastes as good as being fit feels.

Too many people are unhappy about their bodies and they keep wondering why is that because they weigh normal. This picture has answer to that.

It’s never too late to make your life’s quality better, look better and feel happier. Age and gender doesn’t matter. Get up from that sofa and start these changes. “Why?” You may ask. “It does take a lot of time and it may take years until there will be real changes.” And to this I can answer with this brilliant quote.”

Time is ticking and the right time to start is NOW.

If someone ever says that you’re crazy and obsessed, don’t listen to them. Don’t let people take you away from your goal. After one year you will be happy that you started.

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Not feeling my best, so forgive me if this post is a little messy. You’re all the best.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

NO to depression & self harm myths and jokes.

Have you ever been wondering, why depression and self harm are topics that people often dare to joke about? In my opinion depression & self harm jokes are as appropriate as rape jokes. Which means they’re not. I’d like to punch in the face every person, who dares to joke about it and laugh about it. Depression is not something you choose to have and self harm isn’t something you do to get attention. Probably, too many people laugh about it because they never experienced that, know nothing about it and… there are many myths about depression.

  • Depressed people cut/burn/hit themselves because they seek attention. The heck? If I’d just want attention, I’d be loud, talk much, put on weird clothes etc. Self harm is the (wrong) way depressed people try to deal with pain they feel inside. They feel lonely, sad, abused and they feel like going crazy because it seems like there’s no way out of it. So they cause physical pain just to keep their attention from the pain inside. I have done that a lot and I know that in that moment it seems to help but… you get addicted to it. Than more sad, lonely and lost you feel, than more you cause physical pain. It isn’t a reason to deal with problems because it often leaves scars and it’s hard to hide it from others. Don’t start it, better go to therapist. Though – I’m sure that people, who do this just because of attention, exist. But that’s just sick. 
  • You’re not depressed, you’re just sad. This is the phrase I’ve often heard, especially from my mum. No. Sadness goes away soon but depression is something that stays with you all the time. Even if you laugh at the moment, soon you feel empty and sad again.
  • Just taking antidepressants will make the depression go away. I don’t think so. Example – if you’re being bullied in school, the situation won’t get much better by just taking antidepressants. They beat you then, they will beat you now. Sure, you might get a little calmer and cry less but… getting rid of depression is mostly a lots of work with your mind, emotions, memories etc.
  • “Just start doing something – go read a book, cook and it will go away. Think positively. What? It’s not a sadness. Even more – when you’re depressed, you feel like doing nothing and nothing matters.
  • If you can’t get rid of it, you’re mentally weak person. No. If you can’t walk with a broken leg, are you physically weak? Illness is illness.
  • All people, who are self harming, are suicidal. Wrong. I can’t explain, why is that but it’s true.
  • You talk bad about yourself because you want other people pity. No, you don’t need that, you just hate yourself – they way you look and how you do stuff, so you say it out loud. You are not asking for pity.

Woah, writing this was kinda exhausting. Just a reminder again – depression is serious illness and there’s nothing funny about it. Somehow I got rid of it – with antidepressants, lots of talks to therapist and exercising etc.

P.S. I feel really happy that my last post got so many likes. Thank you, you’re the best.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Letter to all unsure teen bloggers.

Hey, shy, unsure teen boy or girl!

Starting to run a teen blog isn’t the easiest thing at all. You have a big dream about successful online journal/diary whatever it is but there are many reasons that can easily crush them. I know that, I’ve been there myself and in some points from these I still am.

First thing, you want followers. Many of them, even. You think that posting quality post will bring them here by themselves. Sadly – nuh-uh. You need to add hashtags, share blog and it’s posts wherever you can and so on, so on. Sometimes it doesn’t help as much as you wish and that’s a really big disappointment, I know. You spend so many time writing your heart out but people just don’t read that and don’t like that. Ouch. Deal with that. Many people give their blogs up because of this. I decided not to be one of them. (Yeah, even 1 like to my post can push me forward to continue this.) Who knows – maybe after year my blog will be much more successful. I’ll just do whatever I can to make it more visible to people.

Second thing, parents. Most of our parents hate that we’re wasting time on the Internet and writing bunch of stuff no one needs and reads. They really want me to clean up the house, cook, feed rabbits and so on. Still there’s no way out of their shitty attitude.. They will forever be mad so only thing I can do is not to write blog posts when they see.

Third thing, haters. Let’s be honest – no matter what you write, you don’t want your haters to read it because they already make fun of everything you do. This was the reason why I deleted my Latvian blog on blogger and started completely new one. Changing blog’s language to English, changing platform and not saying my real name here seems much better. Still – there is need to be careful and not post offensive content because you don’t know, who will read it and what they will think about you.

So here are main teen blogger rules:

  • No offensive content.
  • Promote your blog on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, whereever you can and put hashtags on it.
  • Follow other blogs that you like, don’t forget to leave nice comments and like their posts.
  • Don’t use slangs. People like understandable text.
  • Ask questions to your readers, that should make them comment more.
  • Add pictures, just not too much.

Suggestion: It really looks like teen bloggers aren’t as united as adult bloggers. Let’s change this. Let’s follow each other, read each others’ blogs and share our thoughts! To be more sure about ourselves we need to stick together and support each other. Walking this blogging path together could be easier together.

If you need to talk, I’m here and always happy to make new friends. If you want to write a blog post for my blog or me for yours, let me know. :)

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Blogfessions.

When I started writing this blog, I thought about it more as a diary kind of thing. I had no goal and no hopes to ever make it something serious. But as time went, my passion grew. I got super excited for every like and every comment. I thought it would be cool to comunicate with people through blog because it was much more enjoyable that talking in real life. Besides – I could say something to many people at once, they just had to read my blog.

So here I am – having a blog with 171 follower. Pretty cool, huh? Maybe. But I understood that followers and views mean nothing, if no one really like the stuff I’m writing and it touches no one’s heart. I don’t write this because I want to have one thousand followers or because I’m collecting likes. No. I am writing because I want to change something, change at least few peoples’ minds about things that really matters. I wouldn’t care much if I had only 10 blog followers, as long as they would read every blog post of mine and share their thought about it. 45 views so far today but I get nothing from this. Just because it’s hobby, I don’t promote my blog much. I don’t spend a cent for it. I tried reading tips, how to grow traffic and how to creat great blog. Okay, I grew traffic and from that point linkcollider is great. But that makes people clicking on my blog just because they want “tookens” to promote THEIR blogs and they don’t even care about reading it. What’s the point? What do I get from these damn numbers?

Just a question – what’s the point of following someone, if you don’t even read their blog? 

Let me know, if you see a point to continue this blog because I don’t for now.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Workout pros.

Are you still sitting on that sofa, eating chocolate ice cream and doubting, should you ever change this kind of lifestyle? Let me enlighten you and show you list of workout pros.

  • Confidence. Nothing compares to that feeling when you see your body changing and feel super happy about it. You can just go to your favourite store, pick your favourite clothing and it not only fits you but also looks good. You can go to beach in your dream swimming suit, catch everyone’s looks and feel amazing. You can take your clothes off, when you’re with your loved one and feel even more confident about your body.
  • Post workout showers. Nothing much to explain, it’s just one reward you give yourself about hard workout – warm shower.
  • Visible body changes after few months already. Remember those jeans that were tight for you? Not anymore!
  • More energy than ever. You don’t want to spend all day on the couch anymore, you want to go out and change the world.
  • Compliments that people start telling you. “Wow, your waist was never that slim!
  • Improving yourself. You try a little more, then some more and more. You never knew you could do exercises like this.
  • Relieves stress. This one proably I love the most. Had bad day at school or work? Put those workout clothes on, find some free space in your room, take all equipment needed and workout!
  • You’re more atractive in person’s that you like eyes. Yep. You feel like a hot shot and that you have more chances with him/her than most of the people. Even if things doesn’t work, it’s easier to tell yourself that you deserve better because you really do. People with fit body and strong will deserve the best.
  • Happiness. It just somehow happens – you’re happier than you’ve ever been and even worst times don’t  look that bad because one thing is always alright – your body.

I guess, that’s all but it’s enough to start working out. Do you want to feel confident? Be stronger and happier? Just do it. Physical pain for few moments are nothing, compared to amazing results working out gives.

Always remember – you are doing to be better version of yourself not to be like someone else. ;)

P.S. Catch some pic motivation, too.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Confused… about career.

I’m so confused about all the career paths and stuff that I couldn’t even write new post in here. So here I am – still wondering about all chances, possibilities but I’m gonna write all thoughts in here. Last thing I want to is this blog to die.

Some of you that are reading this blog, might now that I’m studying music (still going in middle school). Yeah. I’m already tired of people asking me: “Oh, so you’ve decided to keep studying music later, too, right?” Stop it. I haven’t decided anything. Actually I have no idea that I should do with my life. Choosing right career path is probably the most important choice in my whole life. I never had a time to really think about it. For a while I was little, then I was careless and *BAM* somehow after finishing 9th grade I found myself in a different city, in a different school. Looks like I really didn’t care about my life until now because I had no choice and everything for me decided my parents. It’s kinda depressing, when you can’t pick what you want to wear and the most important – what you can be. It brings tears in my eyes, thinking about that my parents might never let me really be who I want to be. So what, if it will be hard? So what, if I might do the wrong choice at the beginning? It will still be my choice and that it only thing that matters. I’m jealous to all teenagers whose parents support their career decisions and don’t pressure them do pick something else. You’re happy, be thankful about it.

I never felt that I have to make decisions in my own life and, I guess, that’s why I’m scared them when I need to. When someone else controls your life for so long, you never learn, how to do it by yourself. Since I was in third grade, I used to draw. In that moment I more liked the attention and the admiration that my classmates gave me than process itself. Later it changed and I really wanted to go to Art school but my parents didn’t let me. After few years I started to take private lessons in Art but it already felt like it was too late. I told my parents that I want to study Art but they kinda just laughed in my face. “You don’t have enough talent to do that. If you won’t pick Music, you will make very big mistake and fail.” That’s what they told me. Basically it felt like I suck at everything else and if I wouldn’t study music, they wouldn’t love me or something. Often, not even realizing that, my parents made me feel like shit and now I’m not sure about myself anymore. I don’t know if I can achieve something, I don’t know if I’m good person, I don’t even know am I strong enough to break out of this control cage.

Now I’m not gonna quit Music studies but I’ve started to read more about other professions and thought more about what I want and what I’m ready to do. So what if I will pick something that many, many people are doing in this world and never be a musical genius? I don’t care. I just want to make my own choices, feel happy and never feel pressure from someone else again. At the moment I’m trying to get more information about professions associated with Art, Computers and Writing. I don’t know yet, what I want but I will figure it out and I will fight for what I want, no matter what it will cost.

To all parents – please, let your children choose them their own path and support it. This is not the thing you can know better than they can. Main thing that parent should want is to their kids to be happy not to always do what they say and nothing else. I know, how it feels to have very high expectations and feel like everything I do is never enough,  and everything I want for myself is wrong. Don’t make your children feel like that. Let them know that they can choose and achieve what they want. Stay awesome, make your choices and don’t prevent others from making them!

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

My quote……

You will never meet greater enemy or friend than yourself. Which of these two you want to be is your choice.

That song will forever be stuck in my head. It’s just… magnetic.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.

Wrong ways.

I’m confused – if you think negative, the good thing doesn’t happen; if you hope too much and get too excited about it, it doesn’t happen either. It doesn’t matter if it’s about contest you think you will win, the guy, who you think will call you back or perfect swimsuit you think ,you will buy. None of this ever happens. But maybe I should ignore this fact at all and not think about it? No, I can’t. I will fail the contest, if I won’t work hard enough, I will lose any chance with this guy, if I won’t do anything to make him see me and I will get so fat that I won’t be able to find perfect swimsuit.

Yeah, life fucks as all and it’s like 90% pain and 10% happiness. Only thing I wish is to switch those sides. I’m not that bad person and I do deserve happy ending. We all do. We don’t deserve that much pain. Pain makes you learn something but if it’s too much, it ruins you and turns you into hopeless person. Pain is like alcohol – when it’s a little, it’s okay but when it’s too much, it ruins your life and you can’t just switch things back the way they were before.

I can’t hope, I can’t think negatively and I can’t ignore everything. I’m sitting in a cage, called “life” and I’m confused about how should I act to change things to better.

xoxo, Porcelain Doll.