Warning: Before you read this, it’s just a little look inside how bullying victim can feel. Don’t try to cut at home or something. I wrote this to make you think before you speak. Words hurt, too.
Have you ever thought about those topics? How terrible and serious these things are? People rarely realise what their actions can do to others. They just keep calling you in bad names, laughing about everything that you do, like you’d be fucking mistake of nature, like you’d be creepy and you don’t deserved to be treated like a human. They keep telling fake rumors to everyone about you and you know what? They fucking believe every word. They don’t care how you try to deny it.
Words hurt you even more than kicking and hitting would. You go home and you cry because you feel so damn helpless. When you tell people, what is happening to you and how you feel about it, they just say that it couldn’t be that bad and you’re too emotional. You keep telling them, hoping that they will understand, but nothing happens. They just shrug and turn they faces. They know that it’s hard to stop bullying and all that, what hurts you, so they don’t even try.
That’s when you decide to take step 2. Cutting. You have seen many pictures in internet how people cut. Maybe you even know people who are doing it. And then you ask yourself: “What could go worse? It is already bad. There is no escape, right? No one even listens to me. They don’t take me serious.” You take a razor and put up your sleeves and look to your snow-white skin. Razor crosses your wrist and you look at blood. Beautiful, isn’t it? And phisical pain for a moment takes away all emotional pain cause it is stronger. Few more cuts and you’re done. Life sucks but for a moment you feel better somehow.
But then you don’t even see how cutting becomes an addiction. Everytime when you feel bad, you take a razor and make yourself bleed. You can’t hide scars from others anymore. “How dumb are you to do this? Why don’t you just go and die? Why don’t you cut your veins and die? World will be better without you, freak.” – That’s just few phrases what you hear. Now they think that you’re weird even more. They point with their fingers at you and laugh. They think you’re a psycho because you cut. They think you’re insane. You go to bathroom, to take a look at your face in the mirror. Big eyes, full of sadness, pale face… You feel ugly. “She/he is so fat. Oh my God, what this freak is doing here? Gosh, you saw her/his hair? And those clothes, who dresses like that?” That’s all you hear.
You start to feel worthless and ugly. You start to eat too much or maybe the opposite – less and less. They don’t like you. You just want to be loved, to be accpted and to fit in. You try. You gain/lose weight but nothing changes. They bully you more and more. You cry every night and every day. You cut… more and more.
And then comes next step. The sucide. You look at yourself in the mirror. You think that you’re too ugly and too worthless to live. You come back to your room. Nobody’s home. “I can’t handle this anymore. I have no reasons to live. I’m worthless and ugly. I have no friends, only enemies and bullies. You’re right, world will be better without me. Goodbye.” – You wrote down on paper. You put it on your table, then go to bathroom and find your parents sleeping pills. Is ten enough? Or should I take more? You take all pills from the bottle and go back to your room. Soon you will leave everything – your hopeless life, family who doesn’t care and your bullies. You will be gone and they will be happy, right? You close your eyes and exheal the last time, before falling asleep forever.
You know why I wrote this? I want you to understand how serious problem is bullying, especially in schools. No one knows how someone already feels but they whatever make them feel even worse just because they don’t feel sure about themselves. People want to be cool, they want everyone to respect them and they make their reputation, bullying others. It is terrible. Think before you speak. You don’t know how close this poeple to sucide or something.
R.I.P. to teenagers who commited sucite because of bullying:
Rebecca Ann Sedwick
These are just some of bullying victims who commited sucide. R.I.P.
Have a nice evening and think about it. If you see that someone is bullied, don’t stand and watch it. Go and help! Maybe you will save someones life and make someone feel better.
xoxo, Porcelain Doll.